Intervention Services for Families & Their Loved Ones Experiencing Mental Health Disorders, Alcohol, and Drug Addiction

Part 1 – Initial Caller/Inquiry

Most of the time, if the decision to pursue addiction and mental health intervention services was made by the initial caller, the content of this article and many other pages of our website would not be needed. Half of our content deals with maladaptive dysfunctional family roles, excuses families make, enabling, and codependency. After that first contact, the original caller discusses the findings and the conversation with others in the family. At this point, we lose the majority of families altogether. Fortunately, we can conference with other key family members during the first call if they are willing, but the majority are not.  Most of the time, we are unable to reconnect with the original caller. When it happens that we are successful in getting the original caller back on the phone, we are told that other family members are not on board, which is the opposite of what most say on the initial call. This occurs because some family members who are unwilling to speak to us are nonetheless benefiting from the situation as it is or believe they should be in charge. Most of them would express disbelief upon reading or hearing this, but if it were not true, ask yourself how we know this and why the other family members refuse to take a call with a professional to learn what can be done.

The initial caller often experiences Pre-therapy Change, a phenomenon that allows the person to feel better simply for having made the call. A perfect example is when people make a doctor’s appointment and, in so doing, feel psychologically better. And yet, they have done nothing but make an appointment. The difference is that most people go to that doctor’s appointment without the baggage or negative influence of psychologically unwell family members. In cases of addiction and mental health, some family members make it a point to go out of their way to sabotage the intervention in order to feed their dysfunctional role. Sometimes, the original caller makes the call merely to receive the pre-therapy change effect. Some people call our office to talk without intending to do anything about the situation. That is ok. We are here to help, and the reasons for not moving forward soon become apparent, whether it is the first caller just going through the motions or others sabotaging the caller’s efforts. The reason for is rooted in the family’s dysfunction: they do not want to let go of the status quo because they are receiving some sort of benefit by not addressing the situation. Families who call our office oftentimes do not hear our solution; they listen and view us as trying to interfere with theirs. Families want to know how we are going to talk their loved one into treatment but do not want to hear what they should be looking at within themselves and what they need to change. If that is all the family really wants, they should attend a local Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous meeting and ask the members to perform a twelve-step call which, by the way, they can receive at no charge. We recommend never paying an interventionist who will only do what a twelve-step call does for free. Beware of the interventionist who charges money only to talk your loved one into treatment

1b – Conference Call

Click here to read the excuses families make for not doing an intervention or waiting to do one before reading the conference call section, an extension of this page. If you still need to review the family roles section (link above), do so before reading the conference call section. These articles are not meant to guilt or shame you; they are intended to help you understand that the family will be the greatest challenge of the entire intervention services process. The intended patient will be the least challenging part of the process. 

In therapy, “The Miracle Question” refers to an effective intervention instrument of solution-focused therapy. The question asks the family what it would be like if the problem went away entirely today. Families struggle to formulate an answer, and when they do, they do so in a maladaptive way. They say how wonderful it would be, yet during the call with us, they come up with every reason why that would not be possible. We know that most families would be terrified if The Miracle occurred. Some reading this may be angered that we would say such a thing. When addiction and mental health problems enter the family system, maladaptive and dysfunctional family roles form to adapt to the problem. The roles become family members’ security blankets, and ripping those blankets away with an immediate solution would cause everyone to squirm. Humans are creatures of habit, and no one likes change, even when it is for the better—but never when it is abrupt change.

Consider the same question from the perspective of the intended patient. How did things get this bad? Why weren’t the problems addressed earlier? The loved one hasn’t fixed the problems for the same reason your family hasn’t and won’t. The bottom line is this: things get worse faster than we can lower our standards. If I took the average person off the street or even your loved one before there were any problems and asked them The Miracle question in reverse, the response would be the same as the family’s; each would do something about it much sooner and would not allow things to get this bad. However, things have been allowed to worsen, but you can do something about it now. And yet, here the family is at the intervention, fighting the help being offered. I could ask why, but now you know why. 

A powerful tool to help families understand dysfunction and excuses is to ask the family to do a Payoff Matrix. Our intervention services curriculum uses the payoff matrix in our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Coaching manual, which everyone receives at the intervention. It deals with whether there are more advantages than not to doing an intervention. There will always be more advantages than disadvantages to do an intervention. The payoff matrix also reveals that family members’ dysfunctional roles are running the show. The same applies from the loved one’s perspective regarding the advantages and disadvantages of using substances and addressing mental disorders. Here are the four questions that apply to the family and the intended patient. 

• What are the advantages of addressing the problem?
• What are the disadvantages of addressing the problem?
• What are the advantages of not addressing the problem?
• What are the disadvantages of not addressing the problem?

You can configure it in various ways, such as replacing the problem with an intervention, going to treatment, not using the substance, being med-compliant, enabling, and so forth. Acting out dysfunctional family roles or having your loved one continue with the addiction or mental health struggles will never win out in the payoff matrix.

What often happens after the conference call can be termed “Family Roles Fight the Intervention.” Many decide to proceed, but some are unwilling to let go of the old way of doing things despite the necessity to do so. Until a family concedes this must occur, they cannot allow new ideas in, such as a plan to recover from substances. Treatment centers help you abandon destructive behaviors and ideas to adopt new ones.

Before moving on, other matters surface during a conference call. These are in addition to the excuses and objections families raise for not doing or waiting to do an intervention (see the resources section of our website). The link is also provided at the top of this section.

• “That guy/girl (i.e., the intake person on the phone call) is a salesman.” The person saying that is an actual salesman and a much better one than us. If someone in your family says such a thing, that is advocacy against the intervention and clinging to the dysfunctional family role. There should be no conversation here. Families know they have to do the intervention and yet ask countless questions to convince themselves that the intervention services process has holes, and that when we answer their questions, we’re merely salespeople.

•  He went to treatment, sober living, then AA, and a private therapist.  None of that worked for him, so there’s no use in trying that again.
• Treatment doesn’t work.
• It will be a waste of money, and the intervention will never work.
• We want to start him outpatient so it doesn’t take him away from his family/kids or his job.  
• Our [insert family member] is not on board, and this won’t work without that person.
• We are going to bring the loved one to a psychiatrist/therapist/marriage counselor, and an intervention isn’t going to help the situation.
• He will never go/say yes.
• He will get mad.
• This will push him over the edge.

Consider this analogy as a way to summarize what the family is going through. Imagine your family is in prison, and the warden says you are all free to go. The warden opens the cell door and the front gates, but no one leaves. The inmates are unsure whether they should walk out, but why? The inmates hesitate to accept the freedom being offered, aren’t sure they deserve it, do not remember what freedom is like, and have been dependent on the prison for so long, they are unsure they can function outside the chaos, drama, and routine of what their lives have become over the last five to ten years. A few inmates try to leave, but others try to talk them out of leaving. In the current situation, these are your family members trying to sabotage your intervention and freedom, but why? Because they do not know how to live any other way and because they are benefiting in some way from staying in the prison. If you leave prison and they stay, what happens to them? Other family members/inmates will try to selfishly and out of dysfunction talk you out of leaving. They are more concerned with what happens to them than happy for you to have found freedom. If you leave and get better, what indeed happens to them, and what does that say about how they have been doing things?

The example above may appear farfetched? If it is unrealistic, why are family members building roadblocks as you attempt to help your loved one? The reality is if we gave this option to inmates with substance use or mental disorders, eight or nine out of ten would leave the prison, and yet in our analogy, only one in ten of the family members would leave.

1c – Agreeing to and Scheduling the Intervention & Treatment (How the Intervention is Set Up)

This section represents what can be called the calm before the storm (see Part 2). Once the family agrees to the intervention services and completes the necessary paperwork, we move to the next stage. In addition to what we have already learned, further discussion ensures that all bases are covered. To that end, we address three areas:

• Assessment—We gather more data on the family and determine who should or should not be present on both days of the intervention. Sometimes, it is determined that specific family members should be present on the first day but not the second day. Rarely is there a time when someone can participate in the intervention who did not join the family day preparation. Regarding the intended patient, several questions are asked utilizing ASAM (American Society of Addiction Medicine) and DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual published by the American Psychiatric Association) criteria. Both organizations have assessment instruments utilized by professionals to determine the severity of the problem, a treatment plan, and the like.
• Treatment Plan—Once the intervention coordinator performs the assessment, the case is moved to the clinical director, CEO, and COO of Family First Intervention. You are presented with a treatment plan. You speak to the center to ensure everything is worked out beforehand. We do not move to logistics or come to your home until that part is completed. When our interventionist arrives, there is a job to be done, and having this completed ahead of time takes the stress and worry out of the process. It also keeps the family from mentally taking on too much at once. Our step-by-step intervention services process is designed to keep you sane at a volatile time. Our team also decides who your interventionist will be.
  
• Logistics—Travel arrangements are made, and dates are confirmed. We also discuss where you will meet the first day with the family only present. During logistics, we ensure you know what, when, where, why, and how everything will occur.

Part 2 – Purgatory

The time between completing the assessment, treatment plan, logistics, and the interventionist’s arrival can be difficult for some. As the reality of what is about to happen sets in, families often start to backpedal, and the dysfunctional family roles surface, i.e., fighting to stay sick while clinging to the status quo. The feeling results from the fear of change, loss of control, and the uncertainty of the unknown. By now, we have done as much as possible to comfort you during the process and know we may have to hold your hand until we get there. We are always open to your questions and may ask you to look at things differently. Some may be offended by how we address you at this time, but it is in your best interest. Remember, our intervention services are at least as much for your family as for your loved one. As soon as the interventionist arrives, we know you will be ok. We know this because every time our interventionist arrives on the scene, we stop hearing from you, and you settle in. Once present, our professional will start going through the S.A.F.E (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Coaching manual, and the big picture comes into focus. Our intervention services company is named Family First Intervention for a reason.

Common Intervention Questions That May Arise

Here are some of the questions that may arise during the purgatory stage. We are happy to help you process the roller coaster of your emotions, and we welcome your questions. Please note: the following questions are among the most frequently asked.

• How do we manage or “not manage” our loved one up to the intervention?
• Do I take away the alcohol or drugs?
• Should we tell his psychiatrist?
• Should we call the probation/parole officer?
• Should we include certain people such as friends, his high school football coach, and so forth in this process?
• What do the aforementioned bring to treatment?
• Do I take away the car now?
• Should I ask our loved one to move out before the intervention?
• Something was stolen from me. Do I confront him now or wait?
• Do we tell him about the intervention?
• Will this make him mad?
• What if we can’t find him?
• How will you find him?
• What if he storms out of the room?
• Is there a danger of violence?
• Should we stop the enabling now?
• Should we give him money?
• Should we pay his bills?
• Should we throw out his alcohol?
• Should we remove his drugs/medication?

These are good questions. Your fear and doubt reveal that you are emotionally charged. The interventionist reviews everything on site, and again we try to answer all your questions before we get there. You may ask many of the same questions in the purgatory stage as you did during the conference call, and that it is ok. We understand.

The Treatment Center Selection Process

The treatment center selection is covered more in part 4. For now, all a family must understand is why we selected a specific treatment center.

Treatment centers are highly similar. They all try to impress you with their differences, on how they are better than the others, but all treatment centers offer similar programming and evidence-based treatment.

Family First Intervention distinguishes itself from other intervention companies with our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Coaching. As stated above, treatment centers do not have significant differences among them. Some have more amenities than others, and some offer options they believe enhance the chances for success. Some provide better food and better accommodations but do not offer anything profoundly different in terms of programming and therapy. In a word, nobody is reinventing the wheel in the world of addiction and mental health treatment centers. Clinicians who understand the importance of holding their clients accountable, of not seeing them as victims, not believing the client knows best, and utilizing the power of the family—these are the elements that should be the differentiator when choosing a treatment center. By bringing in a family-based program such as ours to collaborate in the process is what makes Family First Intervention different. Most centers do not have a family program, but those that do tend to be watered down and are not helpful to the families in a way that benefits the patient’s outcome. Treatment centers spend too much time employing ineffective therapists who side with the client without considering the family in the decision-making when formulating the treatment plan and the discharge plan. Most clinicians at treatment centers do not encourage families to set and hold boundaries. They believe that clients know best, that families should meet their loved ones “where they are” and accede to their loved one’s resistance to change just as most clinicians do. In our experience, successful outcomes for the family and patient significantly improve when a treatment center collaborates with Family First Intervention before and after the intervention. Outcomes improve when clinicians do their job and do not make friends with the client. Family-imposed boundaries and holding a client accountable significantly impact treatment outcomes. Clinicians and therapists in a treatment center are the only differentiators that can distinguish a treatment center from others. The collaboration with treatment centers and how that experience can be different is explained in Part 4.

Part 3 – Face to Face Intervention / Intervention Methods & Strategies

The meeting of our interventionist with your family and the interaction with your loved one are the least complicated parts of the process. Coincidentally, this is the part families fear the most. Most families do not want to engage in introspection, which is a significant reason why they hesitate to do an intervention. Interacting with their loved one and the uncertain outcome of that interaction bring at least as much fear, if not more, than families having to look at themselves. Families have an illusion of control up to this moment. At this point of the intervention services process, families realize they have no control over what will happen. Consider this: Family First Intervention has 8,000 square feet of office space, fourteen employees, and several outside contractors. One interventionist shows up at your house. It only takes one person backed up by a large staff of professionals to help your loved one say yes at the intervention, to help your family reach this milestone, and to help you going forward.

What to Say At The Intervention

Families understandably want to know what to say at the intervention. During the family preparation on the first day, we cover this aspect and help you with intervention letters. The last thing we want to see is families doing what they have always done, i.e., try to talk their loved one into treatment. Talking off the cuff, agitating, and negotiating with your loved one must not happen. Families often want to beg and plead with their loved one. Do not do this. Rather, let us do the talking. When interventionists see the need or feel it is appropriate, they will strategically bring the family into the conversation. Most families want to know what the magic words are that we use to help your loved one address their mental disorders or to help their loved one quit using alcohol or drugs and say yes to treatment. Of course, there aren’t any magic words. Although our interventionists are well-trained in communication and know what to say, the intended patient will accept help or decline going to treatment based on whether the family is ready to change and move forward in a new direction. This is why all the other parts of our intervention services are essential; without them, the conversation between the interventionist, the family, and the intended patient is rarely effective. A successful intervention requires that the family deliver a message of change, not a speech of begging, pleading, or issuing ultimatums.

Your Loved One Will Make Excuses For Why They Don’t Need Treatment Which Are False Perceptions

One of the reasons the interventionist is there is to handle the false perceptions your loved one has and to overcome the excuses to avoid treatment. Your loved one will rarely jump from his chair and thank you for what you have done, and there will almost always be a back-and-forth between the interventionist and your loved one. The intervention methods and strategies we utilize all help your loved one see the need to do something differently rather than say what he must do. The last thing you ever want is to tell an intended patient what must or should be done. Your family’s implied change message states that you are doing something differently, regardless of what your loved one chooses to do. If your loved one decides to continue on his path, you are allowed and encouraged to follow your own path. As much as a family has no direct control over their loved one accepting help, almost every family has significant control over the comfort level they provide their loved one, and this can be determinant in someone seeing the need to accept help. A family must understand that they will not be coercing their loved one into treatment, nor are they proactively trying to make his life more difficult. Families often fear they will worsen the situation or push their loved one over the edge. The only one who can aggravate the situation is your loved one by refusing help even as you offer assistance. The question we have for families is: if you were in the same position as your loved one, wouldn’t you hope someone would help you? When your children were young, did you ever consider not helping them because you feared they would get mad at you, especially if you knew what they were doing could be harmful? The point is to never be afraid of doing the proper or necessary thing to help another person.

After the intervention, your loved one will either accept help and go with our interventionist to the treatment center, or say no to the offer of help. Should he accept help, we move forward quickly, pack him up, and get him out the door. Should he refuse, we stay an extra day to process what happened and determine next steps. Regardless of the outcome, your family is welcomed into our aftercare department.

Part 4 – Aftercare with our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Coaching

Families will struggle after an intervention, regardless of the outcome. No other intervention company in the United States provides what we offer nor does any treatment center. Families are almost always left in the dark when their loved one enters treatment. For those whose loved ones are still struggling, families have been led to believe that their loved one has to want help, ask for help, hit bottom, or nothing will change. We understand the impact families have on treatment outcomes. The more a family gains ground during the loved one’s recovery, the greater the likelihood of a successful outcome in the struggle against substance use or mental disorders.

We Help Families Recover, Which Increases The Chances of Success for Your Loved One to Recover

When families enter our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Coaching program, we help them understand how they arrived at this point and why they have done what they have done for so long. No other intervention company offers what we do nor provides the services as in-depth and with as much attention to detail. Our S.A.F.E.® Intervention Services represent the most significant feature of Family First Intervention. Think of Family First Intervention as a program for families having gone through an intervention. Most interventionists handle a crisis when it happens. We on the other hand help you prevent the crisis from occurring in the first place, but we also handle the crisis should it happen. Much of the turmoil and volatility after the intervention occurs within the family system.

That statement has much to unpack, i.e., what causes the reactivity? The majority of it is learned behavior along with the dysfunctional family dynamic and roles. Over time, your loved one has created chaos and drama, and each member of the family has found a maladaptive way to react and cope with it. As family members take on unhealthy roles, they see the problems and the solutions differently. Because of this, families find it challenging to intervene. If you want to know why a family fears an intervention, just observe how they behave and act after the intervention. It’s as though they have a subconscious awareness of how difficult the aftermath will be, which may explain why they were hesitant to do something in the first place.

Once the first three parts of the intervention services process are complete, you begin Family Recovery, the final stage. You debrief with one of our professionals and are scheduled for weekly meetings with one of our family recovery coaches. We have two departments in our S.A.F.E.® intervention services program: families whose loved ones accepted help and families whose loved ones declined help. Both departments offer several group meetings throughout the week. The groups include families with the same experience as you. Some families are new, while others have been in the group for years. Although your weekly meetings last three months, your access to support groups lasts as long as you would like or require. For those who attend regular meetings and keep their weekly appointments, you have access to our staff for individual conversations and for additional support when needed. Families whose loved ones refuse help at the intervention receive specific attention to help improve communication with them, and also negotiate other options and avenues. Families in this curriculum face the challenges of their loved one trying to break the family down in order to revert back to the way things were. We are here to help you stop that from happening. For families whose loved ones accept help, you have your own set of challenges, one of them being your loved one trying to leave treatment against medical advice (AMA). Should this occur, our staff, the treatment center, and your family work together to address it. It is astonishing how many people we prevent from leaving treatment AMA when families follow directions and hold boundaries with their loved ones. The average AMA rate at treatment centers is approximately forty percent, primarily owing to the lack of family programs. At Family First Intervention, the average AMA rate is under five percent. The data comes directly from the treatment centers we use. We are proud to have treatment centers see the process work successfully and have chosen to have their clinicians adopt this protocol, which has proven far more effective than letting clients run the show. The weaker a family program at a treatment center, the higher the AMA rate. Most treatment centers do not have family programs nor do they understand how a professional intervention is supposed to work. We are grateful to work with a select few treatment centers that want to help clients complete treatment successfully and move on to aftercare. Successful interventions achieve more than just inspiring someone into treatment, dropping them off, and moving on.

We Offer On-Going Collaboration With The Treatment Center and Family Members

Another aspect of the S.A.F.E.® intervention service is our treatment center collaboration. Our team meets with your loved one’s clinical team once a week to discuss progress or lack thereof. Please remember that this process requires an ROI (release of information). With an ROI in place, we can address any discrepancies between what your loved one is telling the treatment center and the family. These collaborative efforts have prevented thousands of AMAs over the years. The problem is not if your loved one tries to leave treatment, it is when. No other intervention program has the workforce or the curriculum to do this. Many say they will do it, but as yet none achieves the level of our success.

Your family has one shot at getting this right, and we do everything to ensure that this one shot has every chance of succeeding. Most reading this can relate to the missing piece of family recovery and can relate to a loved one going in and out of treatment without a successful outcome. The missing piece is the family’s recovery thanks to setting boundaries for their loved one. Remember, your loved one needs your enabling and comfort more than you need the chaos and drama. You will start seeing and doing things differently when you come to that realization. Addiction and mental health are a family problem. If you only address the intended patient, then you are addressing but a small part of the equation and leaving out those who are part of the problem and have been affected. We are not saying that the family is the cause of the problem. But we are saying that the family often contributes to the problem worsening by attempting non-professional and ineffective solutions.

We look forward to helping you see that by putting your family first, we not only empower the family but also empower your loved one to see the need for change.

To learn more about our S.A.F.E.® (Self-Awareness Family Education®) Intervention Services & Family Recovery Coaching, please click here.